We Ain’t Having Sex
Sunday, June 29, 2008
I thought this season’s finale of Saturday Night Live hosted by Steve Carell was… kinda shit. But it was brightened up by the hilariously awesome musical numbers by Usher. Yeah you heard me.
Now I don’t like Usher. I think he is a twit (I recommend this delightfully snarky article I read way back when). He probably still is a twit but after watching his performances on SNL I have to concede that he is at least a talented twit and certainly an entertaining one.
Maybe it’s because I don’t really know anything about the RnB or urban music or whatever the fuck genre this is. Mainstream pop? I really don’t know why he has to dance so much, but his moves are so smooth and flamboyant that it’s just the funniest thing. His wacky display of confidence and choreography is the most amusing/awesome thing I have seen since Justin Timberlake squeezed a lemon over a hot chick in the SexyBack video. To be honest though if I could move like Usher I doubt I’d ever walk anywhere normally again. I’d get my groove on everywhere; to the bathroom, to the shops to pick up some milk. Whenever there’s a lull in a conversation I’ll just fucking “cut loose”. My life would be like a never-ending rock eisteddfod. Same reasoning as if I had a ripped body I would never wear a shirt again.
The lyrics to that song are also hilarious. Are all his songs about having sex in clubs? I suppose these guys don’t write about anything else. I was thinking for a while that this was kinda sad, but now that I give it some more thought all I ever listen to are (to quote High Fidelity) “songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss”. What I mean to say is that my scope is also kind of limited, and more importantly, negative. I’d like to run an experiment when I have children; I’ll raise one on rock music and the other on Usher and see how they turn out (or see which one Child Protection takes away). If we truly listen to what we are, or what accentuates our feeling, these urban guys seem to have it pretty damn good in life. I mean they’re off having sex in clubs while I’m sitting at home being rejected and miserable.
Anyway that ended up being a downer. Time to watch Usher again for the laugh! And not so secretly wishing I could get away with saying stuff like:
“All the ladies… report to the dancefloor”.
Yeah.
