Learning To Play Guitar

So I learnt to play guitar a great many years ago, but I never stuck with it. “Learnt to play guitar” is probably a bit of a stretch actually, all I can remember to do now is tune the bloody thing and strum a G chord. I always found it kind of confusing the way notes were scattered on the fretboard. There is a logical order to it but as a piano player where the keys are situated linearly in front of you in a single row going to a completely new thing is kind of weird. This wasn’t really the main reason of course, it was just hard to persist with something you suck at and don’t see quick results with. But this time I will try to persist.

I will be taking notes throughout my lonely afternoon adventure.

First up, I need a guitar. I had an acoustic lying around, an ‘Essex Custom Guitar’. It was cheap as chips and has a nice sound to it considering its bargain basement price. Cherry red highlights at the edge of its wood body if you’re into that sort of thing. This was bought in… 2002? 2003? so about half a decade ago, and the steel strings have yet to be changed which shows just how much this thing has seen use. It’s covered with dust as I pull it from out from under the bed.

Second, I need a pick. I did not have a pick, so I cut one out of an old World of Warcraft 60-day prepaid card. Now I have a pick. Hey I’m not jamming with Zeppelin alright? A pick’s a pick.

When I said I could tune the thing before I lied. I know the fat string closest to my face when I hold it is an E so I tuned that with the piano but the rest I’m not so sure about.

I hit Google, Home of Information. Google says to tune to the fifth fret of the string above it, except the second last one which is done to the fourth fret of the one that preceded it. DONE. Finally. Sorry if all this extraneous detail is needless but as you can tell I am bored.

Time to learn a song. My fellow blogger Konrad who can actually play the guitar tells me that ‘Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door’ is a good easy one to play with 3 or 4 chords. I look it up on Google who tells me I can either play the Guns N Roses one or a Bob Dylan one. They’re probably the same right? I’m not that big into the Guns N Roses. (I can however tear up ‘Sweet Child O’ Mine’ on Guitar Hero 2, Expert thank you very much). I also like Dr. Pepper so you keep working with that new album, Axl. Anyway I thought ‘Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door’ was by Eric Clapton till Konrad told me otherwise. I’ve probably just confused it with ‘Tears In Heaven’. Why do I write on a music blog when I don’t know shit? I’ll stick with good ol’ Dylan just in case there’s anything different.

Google for tabs. Every guitar site says that they are the biggest collection of tabs on the internet, which cannot possibly be true for everybody. Unless they all have the exact same stuff. I decide to go with Chordie who have chord changes alongside a lyrics sheet and they tell you how to play them.

Problem: My memory of this song is hazy at best, I know how to sing the chorus but I have no idea what the right way to strum is. The internet is speed capped so looking around for a mp3 will be like pushing daggers into my head. WHATEVER. Let’s learn the chords first. Am7, C, D, G.

Some time passes.

I tried practising my Am7, C, D, G chords. I can do G fine, D sort of, C somewhat, but Am7 is giving me real difficulty and sounds like I’m blowfishing a melodica (or fucking an accordion). My fingers keep getting in the way and muting other strings so I don’t get a nice consistent sound, and even when I do it so I get a clean tone off each string, it sounds kind of off.

I’ve retuned. The top 2 strings have gone out of tune real quick, maybe because it’s a cheapo guitar. I did that whole dealio when tuning a guitar where you tune up a bit, then back down so it doesn’t go out of tune as easily. Or is it supposed to be the other way around? Bah.

I am an idiot. I don’t have to arch my index finger over the thinner E string to play this because that string is held down further up anyway by the ring finger. Blargh.

OK fingers hurting now, wrist feels out of whack. But I will persist.

G sounds fine, D sounds fine, C sounds alright, Am7 still sounds really weird. The last string just rings funny. I will persist.

You know how I said this guitar has gone 5+ years without breaking any of its original strings? It just did. The final E string broke (the thin one) and snapped me on the hand. It stings, like the sting of failure. Nevertheless one string down I will persist somehow.

This actually makes it easier now that I can rest off on one string but it makes all the chords sound kinda incomplete and I need to slightly rejig my muscle memory now that I don’t have to bother with that E string. I’m tempted to turn the thing into a makeshift acoustic bass. They’re easier to play right? Nevertheless I will persist.

I’ve started looking for a copy of the song, practising my chords more while waiting for the pages to load.

Clapton does play this song (as well)! I WAS RIGHT.

Now I’m going to listen to this song on Last.fm and see if I can get it to work somehow

Switched to strumming with my fingers because the “pick” makes it sound excessively loud and bright and I don’t want my complete abuse of Dylan’s material echoing around the neighbourhood. Dylan fans in my experience are pretty hardcore and they may actually come kill me. If they do come I’ll tell them I was learning to play Guns N Roses.

Waiting for the page to load. Now buffering. Currently tapping out a funky groove with my fat E string.

Last.fm only gives me 29 seconds of a track, even one this old and (I thought) ubiquitous. And every time it has to rebuffer itself so it plays for five seconds, starts buffering for ten and plays another five.

I cannot find this track anywhere, at least not the Dylan one which I’m so intent on getting for some reason, so I’m settling for Youtube.

Aaand Youtube is fucking me. “This video is currently unavailable” my ass. It is right there! I open up the Myspace link and click on the link off that which usually makes these goddamn videos work. What the hell is up with Youtube lately anyway?

BLaaargh! JUST WORK! Why is everything going against me? String breaks, then I can’t find the song online. What’s next? Is the neck going to come off? What gives?

Half an hour later I still cannot find a copy of ‘Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door’. HOW THE FUCK IS THIS POSSIBLE. My roommate who likes Dylan only has the ‘Blood On The Tracks’ album for some reason. What the hell!? I KNOW YOU HAVE THE ESSENTIAL COLLECTION BITCH! I borrowed it off you when we were staying in college! Why did I have to be the one person in the world who doesn’t know exactly how Knockin’ On Heaven’s door goes?? Why doesn’t the universe want me to play this song?

AHAHAHHAHA. Got this one working:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4a_QPJrMY8g

Some time passes.

Well I have made satisfactory amount of progress for one and a half hours work. It’s not at a level where I would, say, run away and become a town troubadour. Nor would I consider making a Youtube video. I probably wouldn’t make it into The Band. But it’s still satisfactory. Will I persist further?